Fuck You Friday

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    This week's Fucker Features:

    This week has been pretty fucking awesome actually so its been difficult for me to find some Fuck Yous (I'm sure I'll be able to squeeze in a couple). 

    Anyhoo, the reason why its been so brilliant is that I left my mobile phone at a local pharmacy and by the time I realised it was gone, I just knew someone had swiped it.  It doesn't happen often that if you leave your phone somewhere, that you get it back (well not in South Africa anyway).

    However, the following day I got wind that the guy from the pharmacy had been phoning people on my contact list trying to get hold of me.  He had kept my phone and wanted to return it to me.  Yip, my brand spanking new phone was safe!  I went to collect it and I couldn't have show the dude more gratitude...

    • Fuck you to the wee baw-bag bacteria that invaded my larynx  causing me to sound like a complete eejit for most of the fuckin week.  Yeah, I lost my voice so I couldn't even yell at my kids!  It was frustrating and exhausting.  Each word I uttered took so much energy and I still sounded like a loony tweenie shitter who voice is in the process of breaking.

    • Fuck you to the nimbus clouds that floated in and mocked us.  We're all dyin' for the rain.  The wind blew a gale and we heard a rumble or two but absa lootly FUCK ALL.  We need the rain demmit, its been a long dry winter.  Just fucking rain already!

    FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM and meet some awesome bloggers.

    Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass. Follow this mouthy Crazy Brunette Chick's rules or she'll fuck you Bitches up!

    Awah and fuck yerselz and have a brilliant weekend!
    Will be over soon to read all  yer FFF55s 

    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Blog Action Day 2010 -

    Enjoy safe drinking water with Cobra filtration system
    Although South Africa’s tap water is declared “safe” to drink, harmful sediments can slip through and may cause health problems over time.
    Cobra Watertech – South Africa’s leader in plumbing technology – has developed the revolutionary Aqua-Salus domestic filtration system that removes chemicals, heavy metals, bacteria and other impurities. 
    The Aqua Salus range forms part of Cobra’s Water Saving Collection, designed to offer economical water usage in light of its going-green commitment.
    “The system offers a complete solution which is applicable to domestic households, as the technology encompasses the water supply from ingress to drainage,” says Prisca Mashanda Cobra’s Marketing Manager. 
    Cobra is committed to implementing strategic water and energy-saving initiatives to reduce the ecological impact of its operations. A high-level team of experts continually monitor and develop cleaner, more efficient manufacturing methods. They research and develop state-of-the-art water systems, products and accessories designed to offer economical water usage and maximum energy-saving benefits. 
    The Aqua Salus filtration system includes a point of use drinking water three-stage filter WM-POU-FILTER, tap WM-215-15, WM-970 mixer and a point of entry course filter WM-POE-FILTER. It is an ultra-efficient system which can be DIY-installed, requires occasional backwashing as well as filter servicing at six-monthly intervals.
    Have you signed up for Blog Action Day 2010 yet?  Its happening on the 15th of October 2010.

    Go and do it already!  

    This year's theme is Water.  

    Now, you don't need to be a water expert to participate, you just have to be interested in joining thousands of other bloggers from more than 100 countries in collectively raising awareness of one of the most important issues facing our world.
    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Santa's Shoebox Project

    Santa Shoebox Project is an inspiring community initiative, that collects uniquely personalised Christmas gifts for socially disadvantaged youth.  Equally, the project is about parents teaching their own children the joy of giving.

    A gift to be shared with a child from a distinctly vulnerable social background, who may never before have received a Christmas gift. The project is unique in that the donor knows the name, age, gender and residence of the child the gift is intended for.

    The project started in Cape Town in 2006 spearheaded by the founder of Kidz2Kidz, Dee Boehner.  In 2007 Irene’ Pieters was appointed  national co-ordinator and in 2008 the Santa Shoebox Project joined forces with a similar organization from Somerset West.

    Since then, the project has grown in leaps and bounds and the numbers have grown from 180 Santa Shoeboxes  in 2006,  to 2000 boxes in 2007, 8000 in 2008 to 16000 in 2009, exceeding the target by 30% - 50% year on year. In 2009 the Santa Shoebox Project reached into all corners of South Africa and in 2010 also into Namibia and Botswana. Each country supporting their own children.

    The management is run entirely by volunteers. Kind hearted people who give their time, effort and expertise without being remunerated for it. Satellite projects have sprung up not only in the big cities but include many small country towns as well. All run by volunteers taking the responsibility of acting as co-ordinators for their areas.

    How can you help?

    The prosperity and success of this project is dependent solely on its volunteers. You can choose between being a volunteer or  a co-ordinator of a satellite project in your area. 

    If you would like to volunteer some of your time and expertise please mosey on over to their website and fill your details in.

    Help them reach their target of collecting 26 000 boxes this year.  I know I will.

    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Keeps Me From Killing

I'm Going to Crumb! And things that make me smile

Conversations with Megan

    I have a T-shirt that reads: 

    "What happens in the tent stays in the tent" and has a picture of a wee tent with love hearts floating out of the tent zip.

    I was wearing it the other day and Megan (my 7 year old wee lassie) spells out all the words and reads the T-shirt.

    I see her pause and ponder.

    I asked her "Megan, what do you think happens in the tent that needs to stay in the tent?"

    She smiled, hugs my legs and looks up at me grinning and says "When mum's and dad's are giving each other luuurve" and proceeds to give the most adorable pink blush and single shoulder shrug.

    Spot on, Megan, spot on! 

    Who knew a 7 year old knew these things?

    How dead cute is she?

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his SweatShirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?''It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'He yelled back, ' Liverpool .'And they say blondes are dumb... 

    A couple are lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...

    'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?''Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. 

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? 
    A: A Rumour 

    A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh....immediately he turned ninety!!!Gotta love that fairy! 

    Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. 

    Q: Why do little boys whine? 
    A: They are practicing to be men

    Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? 
    A: Trustworthy. 

    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? 
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. 

    Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? 
    A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

    Q: How do you keep your man from reading your e-mail? 
    A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals' 

    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Lea T Exposed!

    The androgynous look has always been quite a feature in the Fashion industry.

    Boys who look like girls; girls who look like boys  But the latest modelling star to come out of Brazil is not like the others.

    It's Lea T.

    Yes, she's had her fair share of high-profile fashion campaigns including Givenchy, Vanity Fair and she's also lately posed nude in French Vogue with one hand cupped over her crotch.  But the startlingly beautiful 28 year old brunette with chiselled cheekbones and svelte figure, was actually born (and still is) a man.

    “One night Tisci encouraged me to wear pumps to a party,” she recalled in French Vogue. “We went shopping for ‘drag queen’ shoes and we bleached my eyebrows. It was a revelation.”

    Leandro Cerezo, the son of soccer star Toninho Cerezo is planning to have a full sex change this year.

    Hop on over to The Mom who Stayed Sober for some new non-family friendly reading...

    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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My Voice Has been Muted!

    You wanna look at my What?
    I haven't been feeling too great since Friday.

    You know, the usual cold and flu symptoms: sore throat, headache, tight chest, phlegm, post-nasal drip, etc. Oh I know, it all sounds soooo sexy.

    Yesterday my voice started croaking and when I woke up this morning, it was completely muted with the occassional froggie squeak.

    I feel I have to shout just to get the smallest of whispers out and it takes a lot of energy.

    I'm fucking exhausted and I can't shout at the kids, what a bummer!

    Laryngitis sucks! Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Meet The Bad Ass Gangsat Panda

    Fear the Bad-Ass Gangsta Panda. 

    Never Say No to Panda! 

    There is an entire series of these Panda ads that are just so fucking hysterical!

    Gangsta Star Wars


    You got me Nickelback? You know how much I like me some Nickelback

      Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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All arses were NOT created equal.

    Levi's finally got it right!

    They have designed jeans not just for the anorexic stick insect super models but for the curvier figure.  The REAL woman.

    The Levi’s Curve ID jeans are designed to fit the curves of a woman’s body. They focus on shape and proportion, rather than just size. After being measured at the waist and hips, a woman is defined as either:

    Slight Curve: for the woman whose jeans usually fit in the hips and thighs but are too tight in the waist

    Demi Curve: for the woman whose jeans usually fit in the waist, but don’t flatter the figure

    Bold Curve: for the woman whose jeans usually fit in the hips and thighs, but gap in the back.
    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Water Babies

    Kaylin got in the boat but sat firmly on Mum's lap the entire time.
    The Tea Cups were the Best but it was hard work trying to stay inside.
    Tea Cup FAIL!
    Mandy and Gillian in Flight!
    Kaylin did get in the Tea Cup but only when she was firmly on land
    Megan and My Boerewors take to the sky...I mean water
    Megan The Dare Devil

    Today we spent some time at home in the garden as it was a beautiful summer's day.  The girls wanted to run through the sprinkler.

    Megan and Kaylin playing in the sprinkler in our front garden
    Kaylin getting wet
    Kaylin getting up close and personal while Meg watches
    Megan gets close
    My Precious Wee Lassies
    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 23

    Aw-rite lads 'n lassies... 

    I think my Flash Fiction Friday may be coming to an end.  Sometimes its easy to think of something to write about and sometimes I battle finding the inspiration.  I feel my 55FFF are not really on the same level as everyone else's and feel a wee bit embarrassed about them. 

    But keep on heading on over to G-Man and hook up with him to join the bunch of REAL writers.  Here's possibly the last one I do:

    Chandelier droplets pierce the sky,
    like pendants of cut glass. 
    I turn my face
    towards the heavens
    and fresh rain soaks my face
    washing my salty tears way. 
    Bathed and cleansed anew. 
    It's time to follow
    the multi-coloured rainbow. 
    I dare say,
    a make-up stained face and
    puffy blood-shot eyes
    does NOT become me.

    Sign up for Fawk You Friday at Boobies.

    My Fuck You's for the week:
    • Fuck you to the Bitch colleague who thought she could back-stab me without a fight.  She's in for a big surprise because when you piss on my battery the claws come out and I don't back down.  Be afraid! Be very afraid, Crack Ass Whore!
    • Insomnia fucking sucks donkey balls and I have no reason to not fall into a long blissful slumber.  Even the fucking Betasleep didn't work!
    • Lists.  I'm tired of writing things down on pretty pink post-its because these days I have to (the mind ain't quite what it used to be) but then I keep loosing my fucking stoopid lists.  What's the point?
    • The Bag 'O Shite pencil-neck eejit that stood behind me in the queue at the local supermarket.  If he got any closer in some small countries, we'd have to get married and I could actually smell what he had for breakfast.  Onions? Pickles?  You fucking freak me out!
    • The fucknut postman who's been Cummin' the Cunt and puts our newspaper between the slats of our pallisade electric fence.  Who the fuck knows how to get a newspaper outta there without shocking the living crap out of yerself everytime?

    Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM.

    Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick

    Go and say hi to The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass.  Follow her rules or she'll go apeshite on yer wart-ridden arse!

    Okay enough.  
    Have a BRILLIANT weekend!
    Its a long weekend here in good ol' South Africa.
    They call it Heritage Day.
    Now Piss Off and go write a 55
    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Kissing's good for your health. So pucker up, Baby,

    Most of us love the tingle that great kiss gives us!

    Kissing is just not a mode of attaining pleasure in life, but it can also provide a number of health benefits - from blood pressure problems to a stressful mind.  Kissing increases our heart rate and lowers the speed at which the fine aging lines can appear on your face.  Move over Botox Bitch, all you have to do is smooch - and its FREE!

    Kissing helps in burn calories!!  Lets get skinny, Skanks! You can expect your face to burn fat by participating in the art of making love. The moral of the story is that kissing is just not a way to gratify your desires, but it can dish up your life with good health. So, keep up your kissing practice!  *mwah*

    It is believed that saliva build up during kissing can help in cleaning the teeth and also, in restricting the formation of plaque on them. This saliva contains proteins, which are helpful in removing the bacteria growth as well as the acids accumulated inside teeth. Thus, if you don’t want to visit your Sadist-of-a-dentist often, it is good to practice kissing more than usually.

    Sucking face can handle various health issues. Thus, you have another reason to practise smooching on regular basis.  Remember when we used to kiss the backs of our hands as young girls?  We'd graunch our wrists until our lips were frayed at the ends.  Oh, come on, don't say you didn't do it!  Geezo, we just had to be ready when the boys wanted to pucker up and lean in close for that first serious french kiss.


    Kiss in the car
    Kiss in public
    Kiss in the rain
    Kiss under the mistletoe
    Kiss goodnight
    Blow Kisses
    Kiss with your eyes closed
    Kiss in the nude
    Kiss in the shower
    Kiss under the stairs
    Kiss in the park

    Kissing 101 is available for those who are 'rusty' or have not mastered the art of the Smooch.

    “First kiss is like an old photograph; time can make a feeling fade, but the memory of first love never fades away.”
    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Megan's Football Prize Giving

Do Bears Shit in the Woods?

    This dude fucking rocks my face off! 

    Edward Michael Grylls, nicknamed "Bear" is the star of The Ultimate Survivor.

    Bear *swoon*
    Have you watched him on Discovery Channel being totally invincible?

    Climbing through quick-sand, walking buck nekkid through sub-temperatures in the snow, eating snakes and spiders, sleeping in trees in make-shift hammocks, drinking urine and wrestling alligators, making honey outta dog shite and other such amazing feats.

    Man, he's fucking HAWT!

    He's the ultimate frikken Man versus Wild AND he's Irish.  Pity he doesn't still have the accent.  Hmmmm

    Anyhoo, you can imagine the devastation I felt when I found this video of him on YouTube making him somewhat less of a Hero.

    I still think he's Sex on Legs.Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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And you EAT with that mouth?

    We humans eat very strange things.

    I love my polony with cold baked beans rolled inside.  Yeah, we all have strange combinations that we love to munch down on.

    And no, I am not even going to mention things like Mopani worms or fried crickets….thats just fucking gross! 

    We all have a list of stuff we will NOT put into your mouth.  For me, its internal organs.  I just can't bear the smell of liver or kidneys. I can't stomach the reek of cooking pork.  I think this stems from when my big sister had to boil an entire pig's head to get the jaw bone for a school project. The reek lingered in our wee hoos for weeks.

    I shiver when people discuss eating a good tongue or tripe. I mean, what can be good about  puting an animal's tongue in yer mouth? (and I'm not talking about french kissing it either) except that it licks its own arse and probably other bovine's arses too!  

    How about Haggis?  I know, I'm meant to love everything Scottish but who the fuck wants to eat a shredded sheeps liver, lungs and and heart encased its own stomach lining?  Fuck me!!

    And those strange things from the sea that make me shudder.  Prawns and crayfish - I like a good crafish thermodore (don't get me wrong) but when I watch people devour their feelers and eyes and suck out the heads, I just want to chuck up. 

    Feeling a bit faint, yet?  Let me just have a sip of my tea to calm the stomach jitters.  

    I think those fucking things are hideous!  Prawns have ugliest, bulging eyeballs … imagine how scared your innards must be watching that lot slide down your gullet!   I don't want to eat anything that looks back at me,  thank you very much.  Never mind the fact that they die in the most awful way. How would you like to be surprised by being submerged in boiling water until pink and bubbling away?  Lovely thought.

    Put you off have I? 


    Sushi is the new craze.  What if that poor fish is still breathing? And why did we invent stoves and grills? Yes, Plonkers, to cook the stuff before we bloody eat it! 

    I love my veggies. In fact, I start craving them if I do not eat them regularly. However, that newish obscene-looking mushroom which is all the rage (or so I am told) and costs an arm and a leg - looks like a mangled pussy.  Yes, people The Love Hole Mushroom is on the market.  No Way Jose am I eating that even if they rename it Magic Pussy Mushroom.

    Eggs. I dread cracking a raw egg with the freaky possibility of seeing a bloody, half-developed chick or an eyeball looking up at me!  A few years ago, I was hysterical with laughter when I saw this ad outside a shop: Eggs, fresh from the chicken’s arse. 

    Cannot get more to the point than that , it still makes me laugh  tho! 

    Most of us adore a juicy fruit.  But no lychees for me thank you.  I have wiped too many snotty wee noses that look far too similar in my lifetime.  

    Oh my gosh, I forgot to mention tinned pilchards! The world is full of economical pilchard recipes and they're budgie priced - Cheap! Cheap!  Until someone pointed out to me that if you look carefully, some of them have little sacks of eggs on the side … I nearly fucking puked! 

    We are all taught to eat brown bread. They say its VERY good for us, you know.  More digestible and all-'n-all.  But nobody mentions that it tastes like a fucking Arabs sandshoe. Unless you have wholewheat.  Thats far better but those pesky wee seeds will either get lodged between your teeth for all eternity or you need a trip to the dentist to fix your R2000 crown you've just split in two.

    We all love potato salad, right?  Well, its always the first thing to be depleted at our braais (aka barbeques). But please don’t ever buy it from Woolies (sorry Woolworths, I speaketh the truth). The potatoes are usually undercooked and definitely cannot compare with a good old homemade potato salad with loads of full-cream mayo.   Woolies tattie salad tastes like polystyrene cubes tossed in wood glue - totally bland and gross.

    And shop bought cakes! Like you see in the corner tea rooms? Don’t they just give you the fucking heebie jeebies? All that decorative crap on top: can it possibly be yellowed 'fresh' cream, icing or the new dairy-free topping? I doubt it. And that baking soda taste in tea room scones just about blows the roof of your head off. 

    Watching people in restaurants eating rare steak also freaks me out.  Once again, is it really dead or could a good vet do CPR and revive that poor old moo?  Yuk!  We did invent fire, muthafuckers and its not necessary to eat anything tartar.  That's so for the proletariat.

    And so the list continues ... on the bright side, at the rate I am finding fault, I won’t be eating anything any time soon and I will get SO thin that the fattest part of me will be my hair!  

    How blissful does that sound?
    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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Hot Cross Bunnies and Paris Hilton

    Fluffy and Snowball made good target practise
    As per Paris Hilton's Twitter feed, the heiress is now the new mommy to 20 "rescued" bunnies.

    "The bunnies were meant to be feeders," Hilton explained in a reply Tweet to one of her followers. "I saw them at the pet store and they told me they were for snake food and I had to save them."

    What about the snakes? Will no one think to save them?

    Hilton posted a picture of her and eight members of her new litter. "They are all so happy, so nice to have changed their fate," she Tweeted.

    But does that fate include becoming poster-rabbits for pet neglect? By the Easter Bunny's whiskers, we hope not. But Hilton's infamous for pet collecting. She's owned a kinkajou (which reportedly bit her) and once reportedly tried to buy a cheetah. And after an appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show in early 2008 when she said "I have 17 dogs, lots"  Hilton was cited by the L.A. Department of Animal Services, E! News reports, because it's illegal to have more than three dogs in the city unless you're a licensed breeder.

    Perhaps the snakes should count themselves lucky they don't look adorable in a Prada bag.

    Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/2010/09/
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