Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 23

Aw-rite lads 'n lassies... 

I think my Flash Fiction Friday may be coming to an end.  Sometimes its easy to think of something to write about and sometimes I battle finding the inspiration.  I feel my 55FFF are not really on the same level as everyone else's and feel a wee bit embarrassed about them. 


But keep on heading on over to G-Man and hook up with him to join the bunch of REAL writers.  Here's possibly the last one I do:


Chandelier droplets pierce the sky,
like pendants of cut glass. 
I turn my face
towards the heavens
and fresh rain soaks my face
washing my salty tears way. 
Bathed and cleansed anew. 
It's time to follow
the multi-coloured rainbow. 
I dare say,
a make-up stained face and
puffy blood-shot eyes
does NOT become me.











Sign up for Fawk You Friday at Boobies.


My Fuck You's for the week:
• Fuck you to the Bitch colleague who thought she could back-stab me without a fight.  She's in for a big surprise because when you piss on my battery the claws come out and I don't back down.  Be afraid! Be very afraid, Crack Ass Whore!
• Insomnia fucking sucks donkey balls and I have no reason to not fall into a long blissful slumber.  Even the fucking Betasleep didn't work!
• Lists.  I'm tired of writing things down on pretty pink post-its because these days I have to (the mind ain't quite what it used to be) but then I keep loosing my fucking stoopid lists.  What's the point?
• The Bag 'O Shite pencil-neck eejit that stood behind me in the queue at the local supermarket.  If he got any closer in some small countries, we'd have to get married and I could actually smell what he had for breakfast.  Onions? Pickles?  You fucking freak me out!
• The fucknut postman who's been Cummin' the Cunt and puts our newspaper between the slats of our pallisade electric fence.  Who the fuck knows how to get a newspaper outta there without shocking the living crap out of yerself everytime?





Go FlogYoBlog Friday at Random Ramblings of a SAHM.




Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick


Go and say hi to The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass.  Follow her rules or she'll go apeshite on yer wart-ridden arse!


Okay enough.  
Have a BRILLIANT weekend!
Its a long weekend here in good ol' South Africa.
They call it Heritage Day.
Now Piss Off and go write a 55

Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/search/label/orgy
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Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 22

Writing is the name of this game.  The aim is to write a complete story in 55 words.  Sometimes its easy, sometimes you have no clue.  I don't claim to be a writer (at all) but what does come out is from the heart.


So, head on over and join the Blorgy of Writers - to G-Man (The Blorgologist) and hook up with him and write your 55.  Here's mine:




Lights, Camera, Action!
Heavy red velvet curtains slowlyopen
Excited twinkling-eyed 7years olds enter Stage Left
Cue Music!
Dancing,
Singing,
Twirling and Bopping
Showcasing their carefully practisedmoves
Loud Applause from thethrilled Audience
But the spectators are only ThePparents
Waving mum’s and dad’s wearinggoofy smiles and moist eyes
Beaming with Pride







FlogYoBlog Friday hosted at 
Random Ramblings of a SAHM.






Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick

Head on over there to meet The Princess of Class, Trash and Sass.  Follow her rules or she'll go loco on yer ass!



Fawk you Friday over at  Boobies






 Here's mine for the week:
• The stubborn hangover I suffered on Monday, all day! I'm never fucking drinking again...
• The vicision South African sun that burnt my pearly white scottish skin toa  crisp over the weekend.  I love summer but my tender skin does NOT play along.
• F-F-Fuck you to the arsewipe that thought he was gonna cut me off in traffic on Wednesday morning.  My kilowatts are more than yours, Wanker!  Step aside..The  Orange ST Beast's turbo kicks in and nails your pathetic Loser arse to the wall.  Dipshit!
• My final Fuck You goes out to the two little piss-willies who tried to rob my Boerewors of his cellphone in the traffic yesterday.  Did you little Bastid Fuckers think you would get it right?
Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/search/label/orgy
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Flash Fiction Friday 55 - Episode 21

It's my 21st FFF55 Birthday, Y'all!  


Get out the Champers!!!!


Flash Fiction Friday 55 writers is the name of the game.  The aim is to write a complete story in 55 words.  Sometimes its easy, sometimes you have no clue.  I don't claim to be a writer (at all) but what does come out is from the heart.

So, head on over and join the Blorgy of Writers - to  G-Man The Blorgologist and hook up with him and write your 55.






Jump into my world
And read my soul
 Peruse the rooms
 Tell me what you feel
 Everyone would interpret it in a different way
 Not everyone can identify
 The proper view
 The colours
 The shades
 The mood
 The sensations
 There are no hidden meanings
 Look carefully
 Go with your gut
 Use your sixth sense
 Believe







FlogYoBlog Friday hosted at 
Random Ramblings of a SAHM.




Blog Stalk Friday is hosted by Crazy Brunette Chick

Head on over there to meet The Princess of Class, Trash & Sass











 Its also Fawk You Friday over at Boobies. 

 Here's my Fuck You's for this week:
• The fucking assbags at MTN cellular network who reactivated my OLD mobile number after waiting 5 days to get a NEW number.  Do you have to get everything wrong?
• The Motor Vehicle Licencing Department who are ripping us off by charging us nearly R1000 to renew our 2 cars and small trailer for a year and giving me the run-around with all the bloody paperwork.
• Fuck You to the Sprite Zero that exploded all over my desk and keyboard without prior notice.  Now everything is sticky!
Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/search/label/orgy
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Freaky Friday - Episode 15 - Broken Penis

You Broke Your What?!?!


Your Penis?  Oh wait, you broke a Record?
With an estimated 120 million people fucking every day its no wonder some people don’t want vanilla sex only.  But you have to take things to a whole new level if you want to make it into the record books.  Some of these sex-related records are pretty mild, some are fucking strange and some and downright daft.  
Longest Kiss

The Winners: James Belshaw and Sophia Severin from the UK


The Record:  In 2005, Belshaw and Severin kissed nonstop for 31 hours, 30 minutes and 30 seconds at The Plaza Shopping Centre in London.  The couple weren’t allowed to fall asleep – or even sit.  They had to drink through a straw without stopping sucking face and even kept at it when gonig to the loo.  Who wants to take a shit when you're kissing?!







Largest Natural Breasts

The Winner:  Annie Hawkins-Turner from the US (stage name Norma Stitz – a play on ‘normous tits’
The Record: She’s held the Guiness World Record for the biggest tits since 1999 – when each of them weighed 12.7kg and her bra size was 48V.  She cashed in by appearing in men’s magazines and making porn films.  Since then her jugs have increase in value – and in size : she’s put on weight and now wears a 72ZZZZ bra.

Biggest Penis

The winner: Jonah Cardeli Falcon from the US.
The Record:  Size does not matter when you have the largest penis in the world.  Falcon, 39, is a New Yorker with a 24.13cm penis – when its flaccid.  When he gets excited, it’s a scary 34.29cm. 

Falcon hasn’t had a relationship in 12 years.  Wonder why?

Strongest Vagina

The Winner:  Tatiata Kozhevnikova from Russia.
The Record: Kozhevnikova can lift 14kg with her vagina (don’t fucking ask).  She’s been training her vaginal muscles for 15 years because she was convinced they were weak after she had a baby.  She recommends five minutes of Kegel exercises every day so you can enjoy sexual pleasure (and take up vaginal weightlifting)?





Longest  Time Spent Masturbating by a Woman

The Winner:  Kitty Kat from the US
The Record: Kitty Kat masturbated continuously for seven hours and six minutes at the 2008 San Francisco Masturbate-A-Thon.  The 28 year old erotic masseuse wore pink cat ears and masturbated with dildos, a vibrating five-fingered glove and a sex machine, and had an orgasm approximately once an hour.  Can you say fanny frayed?

Longest Time Spent Masturbating by a Man

The Winner: Masanobu Sato from Japan.
The Record: Sato became the masturbating champ of the world after he went at it continuously for nine hours and 58 minutes at the 2009 San Francisco Masturbate-A-Thon.  He works for a company that makes artificial pussies,  yeah thats right, fake Love Rugs!

Furthest Ejaculation

The Winner:  Horst Schultz from the US.
The Record: Shultz has he carming record of his seme travelling 5,71m (Reportedly as substantial amount managed to go the distance).  The record for female ejaculation is said to be three metres but no-one has named the talented squirter.

Most Sexual Partners in a Day

The Winners (or Losers): Jon Dough and Houston, US porn stars.
The Record: Dough was supposed to sleep with 101 women in one day, but only “managed” to do 52 of them.  Houston had sex with 620 men in one day – the average session with each man last about 58 seconds.

Largest  Orgy

The winner:  Japan



The Record: A total of 250 couples (500 bodies) came together to set this record.  The event took place in a warehouse and was recorded for the world to see.  In true Jap style it was perfectly co-ordinated – each sex act and position was choreographed.  You can even purchase the fucking DVD for only $40
Source URL: http://gotobeskinnybitch.blogspot.com/search/label/orgy
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